Archive for the ‘Reminds YOU how great I am.’ Category

I stole this from my own myspace blog from days of old.

I was reading back through some of my old posts on this blog, and ran across this. I clicked on the link in it and re-read my old blog. Heh. I’m so cool! LOL Here is the entry I am referencing in case you don’t have a myspace account:

A Mirror
I’ve been waiting for you.

Yes, you. You there - reading this blog post. You. The one reading the post thinking to yourself, ‘Surely not me… she doesn’t even know me… I just ran across her site/blog’, or perhaps, ‘Not me… not after what I did to her’, or, ‘She couldn’t be referring to me… I’m just a person she doesn’t know/doesn’t know very well.’

I am referring to you. As much as I don’t know you, I know you. You are ‘just’ a person… and by ‘just’ I mean another person! By another, I mean you are a human, just as I am human - just as we are all human. You have the same duality in your life that the rest of us do, and by the rest of us, I mean YOU. Why? You are you, and I am me, we are we, and quite simply, I love you. I could learn as much from you as I could learn from myself or as you could learn from me. I want to be you and I want you to be me; it is as it was and as it always shall be.

I love you. LOVE. Sobbingly, gleefully, recklessly and unconditionally. I love you and I would give you anything and everything I could to make you happy - you only need to ask. I love you, and because I love you, you love me, too (even if you don’t know it). Our differences make us the same. When my eyes look like a storm is on the horizon, don’t be scared. Look into them and dance in the rain. Let it soak your clothes and your hair and smile because you are loved. I will hold you up as high as you want to be held. I am here for you as much as I am here for myself. I love you. You. YOU. I remember you.

I’ve been waiting for you.

“A” is for AWESOME!

Nick:
Oh, just had this mental image of a team jeni baby’s first alphabet book.
A is for awesome.

10:20pm
Me
it’s all A
lol

10:20pm
Nick
That is all

exactly!

10:20pm
Me
YES!
OMG!

10:21pm
Nick
Eeerrrieee

10:21pm
Me
I’m BLOGGING THIS!

10:21pm
Nick
I consider it an honor

aaaaaand we’re back to the webcast idea?

“If you had a TV show about cars sun mornings on TNT, I’d watch it. ”

This is a fabulous idea, my friend. My favorite part about it? The part where it was completely unsolicited!

I don’t know if I’d do a show solely about cars. It’d probably be more like, *my* car and other cool shiz that is *mine* or that *I* am into. That’s how it works when it’s your own show, yeah?

Gah, and now I am back to the craptastic webcam problem. Well, there is always the use a normal camera and upload the video idea. I’d need someone to be my co-anchor co-awesome though, and I only know a handful of people that are anywhere NEAR awesome enough. Something to think about though. Yes, something to ponder.

Oh hey, I just remembered there was this…

I designed a few things a while back and started a cafe press store, but I sort of opted to forget about it and focus on school.

There are a few things on there… I need to redesign some things and add more variety and whatnot. Point is, it’s there! GO TJ! RepreSENT!

New t-shirt idea.

“I ditched my raid to stalk TeamJeni and all I got was this stupid t-shirt.”

*shudders* Gah I’m nerdy.

Studies and Stalking and Quotes, Oh, My!

Kevin: “My goal is to get a shoutout on the blog - I haven’t figured out if being mean to you or being really creepy gives me the better shot.”

On that topic: Wit, whether positive or negative. Also, esoteric jokes. Remember, I’m a random rainbow. You’re either with the Team, or you’re trying to get on the Team. This is the time to make some decisions about life priorities. I guess if all else fails you could take the Strong Bad death metal route and hot glue cornflakes to your face and submit pictures.

Later on that day:

Me: “Math and I broke up again.”
Kevin: “Sweet - this means you’re finally available. I wanna set you up with my friend, Social Studies.”

Additional Kevin input:
“How is my stalking coming? Would you rate it as poor, fair, average, above average, satisfactory, or exemplary? If you could change one thing about my stalking, what would it be?
Thanks, I need to report my progress to the stalkers guild, so your feedback is much appreciated.”

Well, I don’t see any blog comments (on the actual blog, not sent via text to my phone. Those don’t count for internet stalking). I’d have to rate it a solid “Wait, why do I maintain a blog again?” I will say that I can see you are making a good, honest effort! Your idea about a stalkers guild is great - maybe you should start a facebook page! “Kevin ‘likes’ Stalkers Guild!” Even better? “TeamJeni Stalkers Guild!”

Keep it up, young one. One day you’ll earn your Team Jeni badge and make everyone proud! In the meantime, can I interest you in sporadic written communication? It’s my specialty and today it is being served with a side of, AW YOU GOT A SHOUTOUT ON THE BLOG! What NOW?

Now that’s a sincere apology!

“Once again, I’m sorry. I never meant to cause you any ill feelings.
I would love nothing more to ride in your Acura and eat your cooking.”

>.> Hmm…yes. Excellent.
<.<

Well, in that case, I'll require shoes. Two pairs, size six if the heel is less than an inch, six and a half if it is more than an inch (if you wear hella high heels on shoes you usually increase your shoe size by about half. I'm a carny so I actually usually wear size 5.5 but since I'm not trying anything on...).

Also, three traffic cones, six meters of rope, a shopping cart and a lamp. Extra points if you bring feathers, cornflakes, and a low temp hot glue gun.

…let’s get this party started? ;)

They would all want to - for sure! Me, too!

[stupid anonymity censorship for reasons]
Bahahahahahaha! Dude… I wish I had your shameless self promotion shirt that was so badass!
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Jeni Nash June 14 at 2:09am
What did you do with it?! I gave you one for xmas didn’t I?

[stupid anonymity censorship for reasons] June 14 at 2:09am
If any man knew you the way I did they would all want to marry you ha ha
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Jeni Nash June 14 at 2:09am
COOKIES!

I’m gonna blog that.

[stupid anonymity censorship for reasons] June 14 at 2:11am
No I didn’t get one back then I was a bitter mess D: I want one!!!
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Jeni Nash June 14 at 2:15am
Damnit! Well, I’m prolly gonna have some printed that say:
“I’m easy because I’m dead inside. What’s YOUR excuse?” on the front and then something about shameless self promotion on the back and then also some that say, “You can never be too shameless when you are shamelessly self-promoting” as well, with the <3teamjeni logo.

When? Yeeeeah about that! Not sure yet. Hopefully sooner rather than later!

[end quotes]

That folks, that is how to blog without blogging. I call it, "TeamJeni Style Creative Flow." You just interact and the magic happens. I know, it's hard. You have to work up to it! Keep trying, younguns. You'll get here.

On another awesome note, I'd like to say that I just successfully blogged a conversation about shameless self-promotion and t-shirts that advertise said shameless self-promotion on a shameless self-promotion themed blog. That takes talent, friends. It’s a rare breed that can multitask with the likes of TeamJeni. A rare breed, indeed.

Additional note: Nevermind the part where I just admitted to giving out xmas gifts that shamelessly promote ME. LOL! OMG! *wipes tears of laughter* WHO AM I? I dunno! I’m just *that* awesome! “What did Jeni give you this year?”
- “Oh, another TeamJeni shirt with a random saying on it.”
“Cool.”
- “Yeah, my other one was quite threadbare from how often I wear it - I was getting worried, so it’s a good thing she gave me another one. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to repreSENT! Now I know I’m good for a while again.”
“Well, that’s important.”
-”Yeah.”
LOL
EXACTLY, because that’s how the conversation had BETTER GO! <3tj out.

Sometimes playing dress up is fun. :D

Mommy & Avs SO WEIRD

AAAAND This one:
Avi Scary Rockstar

I know more than you even when I don’t!

-Are you sure?

No, I just made it all up.

(lol)

-Really?

Yeah.

-It sounded really smart though.

I know.

I prefer the term ‘brutally honest’.

I’ve been called, at one time or another:

“You’re like a viper”
“You go straight for the throat”
“You’re cold”
“You’re heartless”
“You’re just mean”

Well, stop sucking at life then, you freakin’ pansies. Also, I prefer the term ‘brutally honest’. It’s brutal in a shell of honesty. “No one will ever love you for your honesty.” They might not, but I will! And, they won’t hate me for dishonesty, and neither will I. That’s what pros in the field refer to as a ‘double bogey’. Yeah, maybe I’m not getting it in the hole at or even just under par, but I’m still in the game, and I look good while I’m doing it!

On the plus side, no one has ever said I was ‘tactless’. To me that says I WIN. It’s easy to be brutally honest and a tactless, socially backward asstroll. I, on the other hand, manage to retain my straightforward honesty with a sort of social grace that somehow manages not to completely offend people (unless they are pansy boys who think the definition of ‘constructive’ criticism says ‘Only give compliments all of the time’).

Ah, yes. It’d like to claim that it was difficult, but being brutally honest has just always come naturally to me. I mean, I remember getting ready to go out with friends when I was young and single, and it was just straight up:
“How do I look?”
-”The other jacket hid your linebacker shoulders better than this one, but your boobs look hot.”
“Does this make me look fat?”
-”Yeah, your love handles are hangin’ out. Wear the brown one instead.”

This was perfectly acceptable. Why? Because we were already friends! We weren’t trying to impress each other. We were trying to collectively look as pretty as possible, and as such, we did our best to honestly and constructively assess the situation!

“How is my hair?”
-”Good. No wait, look at me.”
*turns*
-”WAHHH!” <---surprise and alarm
*swatting, matting, and repositioning occur"
-"Ok now you're good."
"It's a good thing I turned to look at you."
-*exhales* "You have no idea."

What happened to that? Why can't men and women have a similar dynamic? Who came up with the idea that it is polite to lie about stuff? It should not be distasteful to give an honest assessment IF it is prior to going out and outfit changes are still in the realm of possibility.

If you’re already out, don’t get overzealous about lying, but don’t make the person feel self conscious, either. Hey, hey! There’s my tact! I told you guys I had some!

Ok. Insomniac OUT. xoxo

Solid gold? Nah, that’s pewter!

COM-puter!!! Ohhh look out folks. These aren’t your dad’s terrible blog jokes.

Yeah, yeah. I censored it - don’t worry!
LOL, here is a little comedic gem that I seem to see the brilliance in, but the rest of the people on the thread don’t want to acknowledge. LOL oh man my disclaimer is SO PERFECT for this. haha.

Come on! Who is this girl? She’s GENIUS!

In case you didn't know, this is why I'm hot.

In case you didn't know, this is why I'm hot.

Yeah? How about you talk about that time? You know? When you asked people on facebook for stand-up comedy material? lol! You’re right, the other suggestions were solid gold.

Hey, it’s nothing personal. It’s the situation as I see it, and whoops, it’s funny! Hell, my whole life is stand-up material… but I don’t do stand-up. I blog. See? Ok then. I’m glad we had this chat.

Disclaimer:
If you are reading this and realize that a post is about you or something you did, please don’t take it personally. I do my best to maintain anonymity for the sources of anything that might cause embarrassment. Ranting about my experiences, good and bad, is the whole reason I maintain a blog. It’s therapeutic. Oh, and shameless self-promotion. If that isn’t enough, just be glad I don’t do stand-up.

Not that the name should give it away or anything…

I just thought I’d throw this out there… not because it seems like it is a warranted explanation to people barking up the wrong tree or anything - it’s just because I am such a prodigious writer. Yeah, that’s it. Anyway, onto the point.

——>The point. If you didn’t catch a huge, obvious, gigantic clue from the title of this blog, I can be stingy about the depth of my emotional relationships with people. Maybe not so much people, but more like, people I’m not close to. In other words, if you are emotionally needy right now, there is a good chance that you are barking up the wrong tree just by being here. This entire page is like an internet based shrine to my own self promotion, gratification, thoughts and ideas. Why? Well, because I deserve it. I recognize that I deserve it and I chose to gift it to myself solely because I am, hands down, the best thing I can ever remember… wait no, that’s a dashboard confessional song lyric. Hands down, one of the coolest people I know. I don’t need other people to validate it for me. I mean, it’s totally beyond super awesome when they do, but it isn’t an emotional need that needs to be fulfilled extrinsically for me. I get a startling amount of gratification just from re-reading my old blog posts from time to time, because I like my ideas enough to revisit them. Sometimes when I revisit my ideas I am surprised at how freakin’ rad I am. Hey, whatever works, right?

I give me all I need to be happy, healthy, and well adjusted. I have found in one venue an outlet for frustration, creativity, and a window into my past thoughts/experiences that helps keep me grounded and headed in the right direction. I am happy with me merely because I like who I am. If I didn’t, it would probably indicate an emotionally needy unhealthily codependent person, but I’m not calling anyone names here. I’m just saying what I always say. Look to yourself first for change because you will never be happy trying to wait for other people to change you, or trying to change other people into some idealized version of what you think they should be.

We need other people to validate our own realities and experiences - people to share those things with (but we shouldn’t need extrinsic sources to validate our own self worth or to control our ability to be happy). Unless we are in balance and content with our own realities by ourselves (solo!), we cannot expect others to want to be a part of our reality or to share their reality with us. Life is based on perceptions of events that occur along a designated time frame. We cannot change the time frame, and, often we cannot change events. We can, however, adjust our perceptions to both. It’s like dripping life through a sieve that skews things positively or negatively, and only you have the power to make the decision which one to choose.

The definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different result. Often times, the variable that needs changing is within ourselves. When this is the case, it can be hard to recognize, but learning to do so is the best way to ensure that you can keep moving forward positively along our time frame regardless of events.

Anywho - bedtime.

*hops off soapbox*

PS I know I stink, but…

If you are serious about fitness, get one of these babies. I had a coupon to get mine from REI so I paid like $55 for it. I LOVE IT. Yeah, there are nicer ones out there (that are also more expensive), but this one works great for me. I got a white one, because I’m tacky and cool like the 80’s. I also lost the instruction manual… but I still manage to make it work just fine for me :D . OK That is all.

[EDIT]
This one is on sale and seriously that is an awesome deal. Someone should buy it. No really though.

ZOMG I’m so exhausted and happy lolz

My new favorite dumbbell leg exercise - DUMBBELL SUMO SQUAT! If you try it, remember to stick your rear end out like a sumo wrestler so that you don’t put excessive pressure on your knees (no really - careful with your joints!)

Anyway, I added this to my lower body weight routine the other day and it seriously is a butt and thigh blaster. Add this to your low body weight day, and then when you do cardio (I do cardio 6 days a week, either by itself or interwoven into weights as intervals) do this exercise without dumbbells… FAST. Then, when your legs or butt starts to burn a little bit from lactic acid buildup, hold the squat position for 32 counts of the song you have on so you can get some isometric in there. Don’t give up early - it’s worth the payoff!

While you’re doing it, remember that active recovery is the best way to handle your muscles when you are working them out. Have you ever been super sore from a workout, and then you noticed that you got up and got moving around a lot and didn’t feel sore anymore? Active recovery! Your muscles need the nutrients in your blood to repair themselves so get it pumping.

Just don’t over-do it, and remember to eat good, healthy, appropriate food within 20 minutes of your exercise cool down (some carbs with a bit of protein! It will help restore your missing muscle glycogen that you just used… muscles won’t repair well without it and you’ll lose strength and endurance if you don’t replenish! If you have questions, feel free to ask, but I’m gonna tell you right now I either gag down a couple spoonfuls of small curd cottage cheese or drink chocolate milk and gag down a couple spoonfuls of low fat greek style yogurt (low fat has way more protein than normal greek yogurt). On a side note, if you put a couple spoonfuls of greek yogurt in with half a smooshed banana, it’s actually really good. I just barely discovered greek style yogurt, and it’s pretty versatile - you know - for yogurt.

[start rant]
On the topic of over-doing it, I just want to take this moment to point out that a high percentage of people that ‘exercise’ are chronically under-trained. It happens when people ‘exercise’ but they either don’t have the intensity or duration needed to actually do a real amount of good. Under-training CAN result in slight adaptations (tighter muscles or some muscle definition), but it doesn’t really add up to cardiovascular health, higher VO2max, higher lactate threshold, or weight loss. I’m sure you know these people. “I walk for two hours a day and I can’t lose any weight,” or “I get enough physical activity from yard work/house cleaning/wii sports/insert other lameass excuse here.”

Look, every single time I have gained weight in my life I know exactly why it happened. I lost lean muscle mass (due to a new desk job or chronic tiredness from pregnancy or playing WoW for six months…) and then my base metabolic rate (BMR) went DOWN. Suddenly, even though I wasn’t really eating more (excluding pregnancy… biscuits & gravy and pumpkin pie anyone? lol), I still gained weight. I struggled to get my pregnancy weight off and I realize now what I was doing wrong. I thought I could just do aerobics and I’d lose it. Well, not so much. I would have lost it… it would have just taken a long time. Bottom line is I needed to resistance train to increase my lean muscle mass, and do cardio as well. That’s how I lost it, too. That’s how you increase your BMR. Give your body WORK to do - trick it into thinking it NEEDS TONS of energy. In doing so, you’ll get your cardiovascular system healthy and a hot bod. :D
[end rant]

SO YEAH. Dumbbell sumo squats on lower body days. Do it - you’ll thank yourself (your glutes will anyway). Sumo squats in cardio - keep it high tempo and keep your butt SQUEEZED lol. You can do ball exchanges. then ball leg curls, then do a set of 4-step side kicks, then front kicks to round off your set so that you can start again :D

Also, don’t breathe to the beat. LOL. I am SO guilty of doing this. Don’t hold your breath, but don’t pull a me and breathe with the beats (in out in out in out). This can lead to hyperventilation if you are listening to really fast tempo music (like I do), and just really isn’t a great habit to be into. It’s important to get enough O2 (surprisingly enough!). When you are lifting weights breathe out while you do the work (push, pull, whatever part of the lift is the grunty effort part), and inhale on the easier part. DO NOT HOLD YOUR BREATHE WHEN YOU LIFT.

OK I just totally went off on a coupla tangents and in the time it took to write this, I really should have been showering. EW. Final tip of the night - shower right after you workout. PEEYOO - you stink! :D

Write, right? Right.

Sometimes I wish I could blast off into TEH FUTURE and see what life would be like if I suddenly DID ALL THE THINGS I WANTED TO DO! But then, what would I have left to do? Also, there is the ever present problem in all time travel that if you run into yourself you cause problems and then if I came back to present day me, and I thought I had everything in the bag because I had already visited future me and knew how it all turned out maybe I’d screw it up because I suddenly lost motivation or something.

Alternatively I could just go into the mid nineties backward and buy a ton of dot.com stocks and then sell sell sell before the bubble burst, or do whatever else you might choose to do in retrospect.

Then, once I think about the futility of time travel, I start to think about what the other dimension TeamJeniPureAwesomeSauces are up to. Are they as cool as I am? Did they somehow end up more stellar? If one of those bitches got x-ray vision, I’m gonna throw down (while wearing a LEAD OUTFIT?)

Lead outfits would be heavy, and how would you transport one interdimensionally? I’d have to find one there. That means I would have to have someone on the other side to co-conspire with me against x-ray vision teamjeni. Then, in production of the lead suit the person loses their hand or something and then I have this awful guilt that follows me around because of this stupid vendetta I had against x-ray vision jeni causing some almost innocent bystander to lose a limb, and then the person loses their job at the biotech company they were working for and can’t pay their bills and their mentally challenged kid gets stung by a radioactive bee and goes into anaphylactic shock and the parent can’t get the EpiPen open and administered because of the missing limb! But then the kid becomes some kind of weird mutant super kid because the bee was radioactive. The government steps in to do tests because this is the first time anyone has had this type of a reaction to the mutant bees (from years of collecting pollen from pesticide laden plants). They take tinymutantbeesting kid from its limbless parent and the limbless parent ends up being filled with horrible nagging loneliness and resentment toward me. Limbless parent decides that they should go back in time themselves to try and sabotage my plan to thwart x-ray jeni. So then I end up getting over ‘there’ and this horrible, lifeless, limbless person is chasing me around trying to hit me with their one limb (which is very strong because they have been favoring it for years now and have adjusted pretty well to only having one), and I am running around trying to figure out what is going on, and then x-ray jeni saves me. Oh? What now?

This is all becoming quite complicated. Screw that bih, though. For real.

haipoo.0

TeamJeni Pwnstar
Pulchritudinous Brain Child
Obsolete Word Use.

Creativity manifests itself in odd ways sometimes.

Reading back through my blog or looking through pictures always makes me stop and think, “I’m freakin’ rad! I didn’t even know how freakin’ rad I was, or I forgot, but now I remember how freakin’ rad I really, truly am. How can I even exist at this stellar level of radness?”

The answer is, I don’t know. Friends, I just can’t answer that question. Maybe I traded my eternal soul for a slim jim somewhere along the line and it enabled me to exist on this super stellar radical plane of pure awesomeness. Maybe I bet a fiddle of awesomeness against my soul and won down in Georgia. It’s quite possible that when I was testing out my own ability to touch my own eye, and kind of poke and move it with my finger when I was a kid, it caused an electrical impulse chain reaction that shot off unbeknownst to me at the time into the universe at large and culminated in my awe inspiring awesomeness.

The possibilities are limitless. I have to stay grounded here in this reality with all of you, so I’ll just say that we’ll have to agree that we will never know for sure what mechanism caused this unadulterated climb to the pinnacle of awesomeness for me, but I will tell you one thing.

You guys all look friggin’ tiny from up here.

…and THAT is my word to the wise for the day. Now while I sit here and feast upon the bountiful majesty that is my own essence, please take care to have a safe drive home and remember that Jeni comes with an overclocked processor from the factory, so attempts to adjust her processing power any higher should be discouraged and looked upon as a fool’s errand.

Oh man my blog is the purest form of AWESOME I have yet to discover!

…or re-discover.

I was reading some old posts, and I ran across one with the coolest haiku EVAR in it!

Beautiful Lilies
Your Petals Yearn for Sunlight
Fragrance of Urine

I’m pretty sure that you can feel the talent seeping out of the keys on your keyboard right now because it is so strong; it’s PALPABLE! Can you smell that? That’s JENI. Kinda stale Jeni, but Jeni none-the-less.

If an honest appraisal was ever asked for…

“I’d like to steal this blog?
It should be passed around
like a cheap, yet wise and sophisticated whore”

RE: A Mirror

LOL.

Return top

You can never been too shameless when you are shamelessly self-promoting!

Myself and members of the Team blog on here incessantly about random crap that we feel like blogging about, in the hopes that because we live IN TEH FUTURE we can somehow one day make a living off of doing pretty much nothing. We live teh dream. . .

<3 teamjeni <3